Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize