oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
