i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
