The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Randomize
