I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
And then he peed in my hair
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