i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
