i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
