Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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