if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
is that a dick in a sweater?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
