this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
