the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
