shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
