Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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