Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
