If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
