I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
