Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I love black thongs
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
