you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
