I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
