There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
