i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize