Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
