That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
