My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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