I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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