I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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