why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
