she peed on how many people?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
pray to the hookup gods
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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