If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
