Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
