Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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