I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
