I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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