but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
