I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
