pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
