i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
