I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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