I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
