I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
