he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
