I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
