if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
