That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
