there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
