I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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