My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
