Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
