How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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