Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
do nipples grow back?
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