We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
