So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
