No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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