I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
