Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize