The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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