Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
