I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
