I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
