oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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