im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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