I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
