i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
