yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
