You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
