Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
