the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
