just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
