Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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