don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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