saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
