forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
