If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
