remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
