Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
zippers are such a cool invention
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just found puke in my bra..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
